IS IT GOOD OR BAD ?

The author of the book I am currently reading claims there is no such thing as good or bad. Quoting the author, “Seen from a higher prospective, conditions are neither positive nor negative. They are as they are. And when you live in complete acceptance of what is, there is no good or bad in your life anymore. There is only the higher good – which includes the bad. Seen from the perspective of the mind however, there is good-bad, like-dislike, love-hate, and so on.” I have been thinking about my life experiences and I believe there is some truth in these words.

Recalling on the prisoner-patients I have counseled at Southern Michigan Prison, I can remember some of these patients, dying mostly from cancer or liver disease, in general say these words to me. “Tony, this sickness has given me peace and tranquility. It has positively changed how I look at life. I now believe in the goodness of a God. And I look forward to a better life hereafter” One prisoner clearly expressed his thoughts to me when he said, “In heaven there will be no more anger, vengeance, violence, cruelty, etc.; there I will only find peace and happiness.” These prisoners were in pain until they die, but they only found goodness in their last days.

I left the Philippines and decided to migrate to the US because I had some unhappy experiences in my early years of living in the Philippines. People, including some of my relatives had the attitude of, “what can you do for me”, rather than “what can I do for you”. To write all these numerous bad (?) experiences here would require writing an entire book. I started thinking of a better life in the US, especially when I was 13 years old since I started hanging around the GI base camps in town during the liberation war in the Philippines. These GI’s treated me with much fairness, like I was a kid brother of theirs. I now believe the difference between cultures;. in the Philippines this is due to years of an unyielding catholic clergy, former experiences with Spanish colonialism, and an accepted way of life of corruption. To substantiate my belief, just look at the non-progress of that nation after 60 years of independence since 1945. The Philippines was one of the richest nations in the Far East after World War II. Now it is one of the poorest. However these unhappy experiences brought me to a better and satisfying life in the US ever since I came to this country in 1954. A year after I came here, I already made up my mind I was never going to go back to the Philippines. I stuck to whatever ups and downs of life in the US and have no regrets at all for not going back. So, should I be thankful for these unpleasant experiences in the Philippines?

I believe my life experiences, often labeled good and bad (including my life in the US), are somewhat inter related. Before I left the Philippines, I was infatuated with a mostly Spanish young girl. The problem was she was much more popular and had many other dates. Another problem was economics. I was spending on dates not only for her but also for a chaperon that came along, including sometimes her mother. During those day mothers thought daughters were a valued commodity. One day her mother told my mom I was not spending enough on her daughter. Very shortly before leaving for the US, I had come to the conclusion it would be best to forget her and start a new life in the US. So after a month or so in the US and some interchange of letters showing mutual disinterest, it was finally over. And I never looked back thereafter. Then there was an Irish Catholic girl in Pennsylvania who was more interested in college fraternity kids. Sorry to say but my dad’s recommendation of finding an Irish Catholic girl was not what was cracked up to be. Also there was this Jewish-Irish girl who eventually said I was weak. When I mentioned this to mom when she visited me here in the US, she said “Jewish girls are hot stuff. Stay away from them.” For once, this time around she was right. I was too religious to go all the way with Miss Hot Stuff. But mom had ulterior motives too; like hoping I would change my mind and go back to the Philippines. I can also recall dating a graduate student at MSU. The whole relationship fell apart when she finally introduced me to her parents. I can remember the look in their eyes. “Not this guy as a son-in-law for our beautiful daughter”. A college student neighbor of hers in Indiana later told me she was chosen as “Miss Indiana”. I was unrealistically shooting too high. My roommate told me I deliberately chose these dates because inwardly I did not want to get married, unconsciously knowing these relationships would not work out. This could have been true.

Eventually I did meet Joan and at our first introduction, I was thinking at that moment this is the girl I would like to marry. So after some months of anxiety and counseling; getting rid of my unreasonable obligations to care for my parents, fear of catholic indoctrinated beliefs, cultural upbringing, and overcoming being afraid of responsibility, we finally got married. Occasionally when I think back of these other women, I can honestly say I am so glad I did not get stuck with anyone of them. So I let the past fade away. Why get lost in yesterday. As I go thru life I often think that I was lucky to have Joan as my wife. Each week I get reminders that makes this bond grow stronger. They are small reminders like Joan cooking dinner, serving me coffee, or just a smile from her in the mornings. It is like building a mansion one brick at a time.

Now let me write about my professional working experiences. After graduate school at Lehigh U in 1956, I started working for Bethlehem Steel, initially as an Engineer in Training. During those days all the grunt engineers were located in a large room; desks piled right next to each other. Beside me was a long time employee of the company who obviously never got the promotions. One day there was a retirement ceremonial get together around his desk; gold watch and all. This old engineer then started to cry. This was a cry of frustration for all those years he worked at that company. To make matters worse, many of the senior executives around his desk who probably started the same year he did, were the ones “honoring” him. Working alongside this crying old engineer, I made up my mind, this was never going to happen to me. I was determined to be the smartest engineer possible and make decent money. This song by Tennessee Ernie Ford fits this situation. It goes like, “Sixteen tons, another day older and deeper in debt. Lord please help me for what I did. I sold my soul to the company store!” Later working for other companies I had my share of frustrations not going beyond a run of the mill manager. But I made very good money from each one of these companies. Here is an example of my working experience during those last years I worked for Chrysler. Initially I started a computer analytical methodology used for analyzing automotive accessories, engines, and transmissions. And so I was a candidate to be the department manager for a group of MS and Ph d engineers working there, many of whom I selectively hired .. Unfortunately, a political battle began since another Ph D from another department applied for the same job. There were three vice presidents from the company to decide who was going to get the job. One, who I’d worked for, was obviously for me, the other chose the outsider, and the third one was initially a fence sitter. For some reason the fence sitter vice president finally also chose this other guy. This was a great disappointment for me. This especially hit me when the vice president who was for me said, “Tony, you are the guy who started this type of work here for the division.” So I started thinking. I was eligible for retirement in a few years, my health was not improving, and there was no need for me to put up with all this crap. Besides I already had made decent money all those years. So finally I gave my notice and retired. An interesting follow up is this other guy who became manager tried to induce me to come back a year after I left. Politely I answered the equivalent of saying, “no way Jose”. Unfortunately this manager started working under the same vice president who voted for me.

Lastly, I would like to write about my religion and spiritually. Years back, I went to confession and told the priest I was resentful of some issue in the Philippines. Well this priest went after me with a vengeance, like, “Why are you here telling me this?”. After confession, I sat in the church pew saying to myself I am feeling worse than before I went to confession. Obviously I was not confessing to Jesus Christ as we were taught in a catholic high school.. The priest scandals going on in the news was an obvious wake up call. So this is where I started looking into the meaning of Spirituality. Religion many times is practiced so as to control people. One can believe in God by being kind to your neighbor and yourself. And also one can observe the laws of nature in this earth and other heavenly bodies. We are all human and we act from our own idiosyncrasies. Who determines what is good for you? You do.